In My Daydreams

Daydreaming has always been a part of my system. I fantasize on everything--the present me, the future me, a present lover, a future lover, events, opportunities, you mention it. The things that I'll never have the courage to say or do in real life are accomplished in daydreams. 

They are my ultimate escape from reality. This is the one dimension where I can manipulate everything. This is the universe where I experience love, heartbreak, gumption, recognition, talent.

I am a coward, you see. I'm afraid to do things in real life. Look. I have never loved before. I have a very hard time voicing my opinions. I am virtually invisible. And I sincerely believe I lack real talent. So, yea, I compensate through daydreams.

In my alternate universe, I am the luckiest. And although I'm not perfect, I am happier. I make up coincidental meetings all the time too, especially with my literary, film, and musical idols. The possibilities go on. The encounters are endless.

This is me inside my head. When you find me brooding in a corner staring at nothing, I'm probably in my other universe. And I hate it when people disturb me. I'm just too polite to shoot laser beams at their faces. This whole confession is just part of my secret, wonderful fantasy. You will probably drag me to the loony bin if I confess everything that's happening inside my head.

I know it's crazy, but that's how I deal with disappointment, frustration, and regret. I'm too gutless and indecisive. I passed on too many opportunities that, if only I had the courage to grab them, would have turned my life in different directions.

I always say--with much passion--that I want to meet my heroes in literature, arts, and music and just tell them how much of a fan I am. I believe, though, that when the opportunity presents itself, I will back away. I'm afraid that reality will ruin my daydreams. I'm afraid that these people are not what I picture them to be. If they turned out to be different, it's over. My illusion is shattered.

Maybe that's why I'm hesitant in everything. I hope I could wish that this mental state would change, but I can't do that. It's the only salvation I have from my everyday worries and insecurities. Depression would have eaten me alive by now if not for it. I'm pathetic, and I know it. Thing is, I don't even give a damn anymore.

So, for now I'll leave you with my favorite Brain Salad track--Anyone in a Daydream. I hope you enjoy your daydreams as much as I do.