In My Daydreams

Daydreaming has always been a part of my system. I fantasize on everything--the present me, the future me, a present lover, a future lover, events, opportunities, you mention it. The things that I'll never have the courage to say or do in real life are accomplished in daydreams. 

They are my ultimate escape from reality. This is the one dimension where I can manipulate everything. This is the universe where I experience love, heartbreak, gumption, recognition, talent.

I am a coward, you see. I'm afraid to do things in real life. Look. I have never loved before. I have a very hard time voicing my opinions. I am virtually invisible. And I sincerely believe I lack real talent. So, yea, I compensate through daydreams.

In my alternate universe, I am the luckiest. And although I'm not perfect, I am happier. I make up coincidental meetings all the time too, especially with my literary, film, and musical idols. The possibilities go on. The encounters are endless.

This is me inside my head. When you find me brooding in a corner staring at nothing, I'm probably in my other universe. And I hate it when people disturb me. I'm just too polite to shoot laser beams at their faces. This whole confession is just part of my secret, wonderful fantasy. You will probably drag me to the loony bin if I confess everything that's happening inside my head.

I know it's crazy, but that's how I deal with disappointment, frustration, and regret. I'm too gutless and indecisive. I passed on too many opportunities that, if only I had the courage to grab them, would have turned my life in different directions.

I always say--with much passion--that I want to meet my heroes in literature, arts, and music and just tell them how much of a fan I am. I believe, though, that when the opportunity presents itself, I will back away. I'm afraid that reality will ruin my daydreams. I'm afraid that these people are not what I picture them to be. If they turned out to be different, it's over. My illusion is shattered.

Maybe that's why I'm hesitant in everything. I hope I could wish that this mental state would change, but I can't do that. It's the only salvation I have from my everyday worries and insecurities. Depression would have eaten me alive by now if not for it. I'm pathetic, and I know it. Thing is, I don't even give a damn anymore.

So, for now I'll leave you with my favorite Brain Salad track--Anyone in a Daydream. I hope you enjoy your daydreams as much as I do. 

Ay Ahay . . .

Bati ko malantaw ka naman kuno sine
Ano to gani ah? Love story starring Erich? Jodie?
Baw kanugon wala na bag-o nga pelikula si Juday
Kay kung may ara---ay ahay . . .

---

Aw, malakat ka na?
Gadali ka?
Indi ka naman maka abot sa teleserye mo?
Ay ahay . . . Kag mag hibi hibi ka naman?
Tan-awa bala ho, gina kadlawan ka naman ni Manong!

---

Dali lang gid!
Kaon anay bag-o ka maglakat
Ari ho---utan kag isda
Kay daw mapatay ka gid sa dyabetis mo

---

Ti, okay ka na?
Malakat ko anay sa miga ko ha?
Huo na ah. Mapuli na ko temprano
Ay ahay . . . Indi na bala magkabalaka

---

Ha? malantaw lang kami sine ah
Indi ka man ni manamian kay puro GMA ang artista
Huo, kabalo ko loyalista ka sang ABS
Ay ahay . . . Ah te, sige na---ABS pinakanami! 

---

Ayos na?
Lakat na ko, Ma
Enjoy lang da sa TV ah
Ha?
Ay ahay . . . Malimtan ko bala ang tinapay mo halin sa Bob's?
Sige na. Labyu

                                      














Because I miss her, that's why.

created: August 18, 2012

Buti na lang~

Buti na lang pala hindi ako naging maganda. At least isang tingin lang ng tao sa akin, sasabihin nila agad, "Ah, panget." Tapos pababayaan na nila ako. Pero kung maganda ka, syempre sasabihin ng tao, "Woah! Ang ganda oh!" Tititigan ka nang tititigan. Tapos sa sobrang pag scrutinize sa'yo eh, makikita na imperfections mo.

Kasi ganyan talaga ang tao eh. Pag parang me di tama, mahahalata talaga. So actually, ganito ang kalalabasan niyan, "Ang ganda nya. Kaya lang ang pangit ng buhok. Kaya lang ang laki ng tiyan. Kaya lang pandak. Kaya lang pangit ang ngipin." Kaya lang, kaya lang, kaya lang.

Pero kung pangit ka, yun na yun. Wala nang extra topping of criticism. Peaceful. Happy ang life. :)

National Language My Ass

This is an outrage. An abomination in itself. This unbelievable person linked this article to his Facebook status, supporting it with his shitty remark. To put this article's opinion bluntly, forcing to teach Filipino to schools is a vain attempt at nationalism, and it won't help the Filipinos' global competence.

I say that's bullshit. Just because you feel your language is hopeless, you're willing to toss it aside and embrace the tongue of the one who exploited you for more than 300 years? It's like replacing your arm with steel because it's not good enough--for you. Okay, maybe you think that a robot arm is better because your arm is broken and, thus, useless. Now, you can go on living--and even better--because you have a brand new arm. But you can't deny that one important fact, eating the back of your mind, that you lost a part of you. You're not human anymore. You're part robot now.

Well, maybe some people want to be a robot, but I don't. Leche. What kind of mentality is that? Actually, I started this post a few weeks ago but was too busy to finish it. Yes, I would like to learn Spanish if the opportunity arises, but not to the point of embracing it as my own. Learning Spanish is just like learning English or Chinese or Nihongo or Hangul. If I'm going to learn the language, I'm going to do it because of cultural appreciation and the more practical reason of arming yourself from two-timing assholes who try to trick you because they think you can't understand them. Well, fuck them.

Damn, I want to write more curses, but looks like my brain just shut down. Just thinking more of this moronic possibility makes me want to saliva vomit. Lecheng mga tao to. Naturingan pa namang mga Pilipino.

Mama

I made this for Mother’s Day. I wanted to send this through snail mail (because she’s in Bacolod and I’m in Cebu), but I’m out of cash now. And this wouldn’t reach her in time anyway. :c This one’s for her and for every mother everywhere who deserves more than our love. :)

—-

I’ll write a poem for Mama

One that’s the best in the world

You can compare it to nothing

Oh, but only to her

—-

I’ll write a song for Mama

I’ll sing of her unquestioning love

No notes are needed, really

Because she knows my every melody

—-

Alas! But the words are trapped in my tongue!

Oh no, what do I do?

How can I write that one poem for mama?

The one that’s best in the world!

—-

I boggle my mind, but no words come out

There’s only the image of her warm smile

My mama’s big, warm smile

That says everything is all right

That says she won’t leave my side

—-

Perhaps that one great poem can wait

Perhaps it needs more time

I know my mama will understand

I hope it’s worth the delay

—-

So what else can I do now?

But sing for my mama

My mama, so gentle

With her childlike happiness

—-

Mama, I give you this one true song

A song I secretly sing in my heart

Please listen intently, it’s only for you

La la la …

Fa la la la la …

April 30, 2012

Bloody First Day

First day in my new job—not bad at all. :3

Except, my period came. Ugh. Annoying. :/

But other than that, it’s all good. My boss is great. My coworkers are cool. And I got a freakin’ job, which I don’t detest. :p

Yes. Today’s not shabby at all. :)

I should go and enjoy a personal celebration, but I only have like, ninety pesos in my purse. Damn. When will I learn to save? I haven’t even watched Avengers. I haven’t even paid my three thousand peso rent. I don’t even have the luxury to buy food for tonight’s dinner. All these predicaments and I’m sulking because I can’t watch Avengers. :’c

My life sucks. But no! I got a job, and I’m alive. Those are blessings from God, worthy of praise. So my life doesn’t suck. I’m a blessed person. And this is rakenrol. ;)

Rant from My Red Book

So here I am. Unemployed. Nothing to do. Well, I can’t really say nothing. I mean, I have more time to do what I want now. But how can I do them without the freakin money? Damn. My current problem is where to get the money to pay for the rent. o.O

Don’t get me wrong—I asked for this. Damn, if I didn’t resign, I don’t know if I can still enjoy my sanity. The people I work with is a great factor why I stay in a place or group. And this particular group of pseudo-humans is up to no good. They are a bunch of arrogant, mental, snooping control freaks. I sure am glad I got out when I did. Another day in that hellhole will make me really kill myself. They don’t have a life. I really think that they had control issues in the past—that’s why they throw all their frustrations and bitterness at us. Assholes. I will NEVER work in that company again. Gawd, I’d rather die. 

Even the job was not successful in making me stay. I mean, a week before my “freedom,” I actually felt nauseated just looking at my manuscript. And I felt claustrophobic every day!

The only thing I’m sad about is because I can’t see my crushes again—and the stable income, of course. Petty, huh?

Oh, well. Story of my life. Two resignations in less than a year. Beat that, punks. HAHAHAHAHA! (I’m up to no good myself.) :’c