Of Memory and Apathy

The amazing and sad thing about Filipinos is we forget easily. It might have been a form survival mechanism, but it's detrimental to our awareness and progress as a nation.
One good propaganda is enough to misdirect the masses, worse brainwash them. Just look at how we continually elect criminals to public offices. Look at how we glorify and idolize them.
And what of our apathy? It's frustrating and disturbing how some would dismiss the blatant evidences, exposing murder and human rights violations for what they believe as "economic progress." I know this is too idealistic to some, but no fucking infrastructure or economic improvement is enough reason to take human lives.

National Language My Ass

This is an outrage. An abomination in itself. This unbelievable person linked this article to his Facebook status, supporting it with his shitty remark. To put this article's opinion bluntly, forcing to teach Filipino to schools is a vain attempt at nationalism, and it won't help the Filipinos' global competence.

I say that's bullshit. Just because you feel your language is hopeless, you're willing to toss it aside and embrace the tongue of the one who exploited you for more than 300 years? It's like replacing your arm with steel because it's not good enough--for you. Okay, maybe you think that a robot arm is better because your arm is broken and, thus, useless. Now, you can go on living--and even better--because you have a brand new arm. But you can't deny that one important fact, eating the back of your mind, that you lost a part of you. You're not human anymore. You're part robot now.

Well, maybe some people want to be a robot, but I don't. Leche. What kind of mentality is that? Actually, I started this post a few weeks ago but was too busy to finish it. Yes, I would like to learn Spanish if the opportunity arises, but not to the point of embracing it as my own. Learning Spanish is just like learning English or Chinese or Nihongo or Hangul. If I'm going to learn the language, I'm going to do it because of cultural appreciation and the more practical reason of arming yourself from two-timing assholes who try to trick you because they think you can't understand them. Well, fuck them.

Damn, I want to write more curses, but looks like my brain just shut down. Just thinking more of this moronic possibility makes me want to saliva vomit. Lecheng mga tao to. Naturingan pa namang mga Pilipino.

Bloody First Day

First day in my new job—not bad at all. :3

Except, my period came. Ugh. Annoying. :/

But other than that, it’s all good. My boss is great. My coworkers are cool. And I got a freakin’ job, which I don’t detest. :p

Yes. Today’s not shabby at all. :)

I should go and enjoy a personal celebration, but I only have like, ninety pesos in my purse. Damn. When will I learn to save? I haven’t even watched Avengers. I haven’t even paid my three thousand peso rent. I don’t even have the luxury to buy food for tonight’s dinner. All these predicaments and I’m sulking because I can’t watch Avengers. :’c

My life sucks. But no! I got a job, and I’m alive. Those are blessings from God, worthy of praise. So my life doesn’t suck. I’m a blessed person. And this is rakenrol. ;)

Rant from My Red Book

So here I am. Unemployed. Nothing to do. Well, I can’t really say nothing. I mean, I have more time to do what I want now. But how can I do them without the freakin money? Damn. My current problem is where to get the money to pay for the rent. o.O

Don’t get me wrong—I asked for this. Damn, if I didn’t resign, I don’t know if I can still enjoy my sanity. The people I work with is a great factor why I stay in a place or group. And this particular group of pseudo-humans is up to no good. They are a bunch of arrogant, mental, snooping control freaks. I sure am glad I got out when I did. Another day in that hellhole will make me really kill myself. They don’t have a life. I really think that they had control issues in the past—that’s why they throw all their frustrations and bitterness at us. Assholes. I will NEVER work in that company again. Gawd, I’d rather die. 

Even the job was not successful in making me stay. I mean, a week before my “freedom,” I actually felt nauseated just looking at my manuscript. And I felt claustrophobic every day!

The only thing I’m sad about is because I can’t see my crushes again—and the stable income, of course. Petty, huh?

Oh, well. Story of my life. Two resignations in less than a year. Beat that, punks. HAHAHAHAHA! (I’m up to no good myself.) :’c

On Friendship~

I just can’t understand life - everything about it. One moment you live in a fantasy you think is too damn real. Then a second after, you wake up and realize that yeah, it really was too good to be true.
    I am ordinary, just like everyone else. But I still find myself fortunate, even blessed, to have stuck with the right people in the course of my life. Friends - that’s what I call them. Even way back, I have always known that I’m destined to have good friends. Friends who I share my laughter, “kagagahan”, weird thoughts and stupid opinion of things.
    But I guess, even though others say I’m lucky with my friends, my mind disagrees over the matter. I have friends alright, but I guess It’s all just laughing and making “gaga” over ourselves — nothing deeper. My elementary friends, my high school friends and now my college friends.
    Every one of my circle of friends had a fantastic beginning - with promises of being “friends forever”. Now that phrase is just bullshit to me. Nothing lasts forever. Not life, and surely not friendship. 
    I started convincing myself when I was old enough that there is no such thing as “best friend”. Best friend or not, they still cheat on you, or leave you for someone who’s better to hang out with. I stayed with my friends, but not really staying with them. Know what I mean? No attachments. So that when they leave, I won’t be left bleeding. Sure they are my friends, but they have their own lives now, and I have mine. No use trying to relive what we had five, ten years ago when we have clearly chosen our separate paths. I lived that way, not a care if I have a hell of a friend or not. And then college came.
    I was a nobody entering a very complicated university. I didn’t know anybody. I had to start everything anew. I am not anti-social so I’m expecting to have acquaintances. And then I realized, what I have in the long run are friends. Friends who not only laugh with me, or make “gaga” of ourselves or do stupid stuff. They are the friends who understand me, make me realize what kind of person I am, give constructive criticism whenever I need one.
    Just then, without even knowing it, I find myself attached to them - the way I never felt before. There is a strong sense of dependence, like without them I will be completely lost. I was like in a circle where everything is too good to be true. I didn’t know it then, but the inevitable started to happen gradually — like a sneaky, ugly monster preparing to strike when everyone is unsuspecting.
    Then it just happened. And I am here writing all this stuff, believing that I once again believed in that damned dream-filled ever after. The strong foundation of our friendship began to crumble - unable to sustain itself from the attacks of fate.
    I knew it was a dream.. I knew it.

I Joined for Nothing~

Lately, I’ve been joining online communities that promise extra income. Sites like eYeka, hitRECord and Earnmailer. The problem is, I can’t really participate in these communities without the needed resources. Well except for Earnmailer that is. With Earnmailer, all you have to do is paste their urls onto your email and send as many emails as you can. So far I already have $1 and 18 cents. Hahaha! Lame, I know.

Anyway, back to my rant. eYeka gives its members the opportunity to join film and video making competitions from big companies. And hitRECord — well, basically they do remixes from their members’ contributions (i.e. video, music video, short film, poem, prose, photo, artwork). When your “record” is included to the remixes, you get part of the over-all income. My page though, as of now, is only composed of texts and pictures - not as interesting as the ones with multi-media records. 

I would have profited from these online communities - although not financially, at least the experience and self-training I could have developed in my video making skills. I’m sad because that skill is the passion I’ve been feeding since college. Short film making is my passion. I keep on fueling it by joining in these kinds of online communities. But hello! Another tragedy - as I stated earlier, I don’t have the needed resources. The basics (camera and laptop) would have given me more avenues to excel in my craft. 

I’m saving up to get these babies. But until then, I will have to make do with my current resources - which is my computer in our office and an occasional borrowed camera from my friend, Tip. And of course, perseverance, patience and a positive attitude.

Oh well. the story of my life. 

A Reflection on Flowers

What's with a flower? I mean yea, it's beautiful in every way but, why is it always a symbol for courtship, professions of love, or beauty? Men give women fresh flowers today and then what? Two, five, seven days later they become weathered weeds. Just give a stone, for all I care.

I mean, a flower is not enough to represent such a solid, deep, forever thing as love. It withers; it dies. Yes, it promises beauty and love but, I believe, for only a short time.

On the contrary though, I think it can very well serve a purpose. It's a man's way of saying, "Hey! I like you 'coz you're pretty and cool but I'm not sure if I can feel the same way tomorrow." Hell, some of the guys don't even believe in what they call love these days.

Right. A flower can be a symbol of women, love, and beauty. It can symbolize their majesty, royalty, charm, their frailty, ignorance... the hours, minutes, seconds of their importance.

How stupid a flower can be if she thinks she can last forever, that she can go through the test of greed, pride, time and still come out unravished, sparkling, unconquered. 
                                         
And these men? Are the sizes of their brains the same? Come on, there are hundreds even thousands of things to represent what they feel for the person they love. A flower is a cliche. Don't they have any initiative to profess their love in any unique way? Without doubt they can be a little bit creative and find something worthy for the lady's eye -- not something so finite it perishes moments after.

Unless, they think that a woman does not deserve more, or a flower is all that she deserves. Which is, for me, very shallow, insensitive, and unreal. Of course, a flower brightens a woman's mood because it's her initial reaction, her appreciation for beauty and act of love. But didn't it occur to you that if you give a woman something weird or alien she won't just accept it and say she's happy? That she might stop and think why on earth would anybody give her something like that? 

Image credit: http://9gag.com/gag/ab5W0LE?ref=fbp

Then and there, she may realize that however funny or weird that thing may be, its characteristics signify a deeper, more sensible and sensitive meaning of who you are and what you feel for her. That way, she may treasure not only your gift but your love as well.

So to hell with flowers. They are just vain creatures hungry for attention and affection. Which serves them right, because they can't live very long and the spotlight is their only compensation.



Created: 2/13/09