On Friendship~

I just can’t understand life - everything about it. One moment you live in a fantasy you think is too damn real. Then a second after, you wake up and realize that yeah, it really was too good to be true.
    I am ordinary, just like everyone else. But I still find myself fortunate, even blessed, to have stuck with the right people in the course of my life. Friends - that’s what I call them. Even way back, I have always known that I’m destined to have good friends. Friends who I share my laughter, “kagagahan”, weird thoughts and stupid opinion of things.
    But I guess, even though others say I’m lucky with my friends, my mind disagrees over the matter. I have friends alright, but I guess It’s all just laughing and making “gaga” over ourselves — nothing deeper. My elementary friends, my high school friends and now my college friends.
    Every one of my circle of friends had a fantastic beginning - with promises of being “friends forever”. Now that phrase is just bullshit to me. Nothing lasts forever. Not life, and surely not friendship. 
    I started convincing myself when I was old enough that there is no such thing as “best friend”. Best friend or not, they still cheat on you, or leave you for someone who’s better to hang out with. I stayed with my friends, but not really staying with them. Know what I mean? No attachments. So that when they leave, I won’t be left bleeding. Sure they are my friends, but they have their own lives now, and I have mine. No use trying to relive what we had five, ten years ago when we have clearly chosen our separate paths. I lived that way, not a care if I have a hell of a friend or not. And then college came.
    I was a nobody entering a very complicated university. I didn’t know anybody. I had to start everything anew. I am not anti-social so I’m expecting to have acquaintances. And then I realized, what I have in the long run are friends. Friends who not only laugh with me, or make “gaga” of ourselves or do stupid stuff. They are the friends who understand me, make me realize what kind of person I am, give constructive criticism whenever I need one.
    Just then, without even knowing it, I find myself attached to them - the way I never felt before. There is a strong sense of dependence, like without them I will be completely lost. I was like in a circle where everything is too good to be true. I didn’t know it then, but the inevitable started to happen gradually — like a sneaky, ugly monster preparing to strike when everyone is unsuspecting.
    Then it just happened. And I am here writing all this stuff, believing that I once again believed in that damned dream-filled ever after. The strong foundation of our friendship began to crumble - unable to sustain itself from the attacks of fate.
    I knew it was a dream.. I knew it.